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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 In Review, According to Zoe

Dumbest Political Quotes:
10. "I think — I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you." —John McCain after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, interview with Politico, Las Cruces, N.M., Aug. 20, 2008
9. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." —Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
8. "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." —Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008
7. "They're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." —Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
6. "When I was in college, we used to take a popcorn popper, because that was the only thing they would let us use in the dorm, and we would fry squirrels in a popcorn popper in the dorm room." —Mick Huckabee, interview on MSNBC's "Morning Joe," Jan. 16, 2008
5. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." —President George W. Bush, in an interview with the Jerusalem Post, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
4. "So what?" –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn't a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
3. “Our economy, I think, is still — the fundamentals of our economy are strong.” —John McCain, Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008
2. "I've now been in 57 states — I think one left to go." —Barack Obama, at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon, May 9, 2008
1. "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." ―Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Sept. 30, 2008

Top Scandals:
5. Sarah Palin's $150,000 wardrobe. Who's folksy now, huh??
4. Ted Stevens' felony convictions. My mum was just overjoyed when he was found guilty of "accepting and concealing tens of thousands of dollars in free home renovations and other gifts from an oil field services company."
3. Lip-synching during the opening ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics. Because the actual singer was not adorable enough to show her face.
2. John Edwards' extramarital affair. And while his wife was in remission from breast cancer, too! That's just a slap in the face.
1. Eliot Spitzer's involvement with a $1000-an-hour call girl and a high-priced prostitution ring.

Best Reflexes:
President Bush, who dodged the shoe thrown at him by an Iraqi journalist with amazing dexterity.

Best Political Impersonation:
Without a doubt, the winner is Tina Fey's impersonation of Sarah Palin. But you probably knew that already.

News Stories of the Year:
10. The Chinese earthquake in Sichuan Province in May. Thousands of children were killed because of inadequate building precautions for their classrooms. It's sad commentary of China's situation, that they are developing so fast in some areas but can't build safe buildings in others.
9. Russia-Georgia War in August. Violence is depressing.
8. Hillary Clinton. Even though she didn't win, she came closer than any other American woman to becoming the presidential nominee of a major political party, and inspired millions of women across the country.
7. Sarah Palin. Maybe I'm biased, but I think she's a brainless idiot. The folksy hockey mom from Alaska took the country by storm and gave comedians everywhere a lot to talk about.
6. The Olympics. Despite initial conflict between protesters and torch-bearers over China's human-rights policy, I think the Olympics was a success. Michael Phelps kicked ass, too.
5. The November terrorist attacks in Mumbai, India. Ten coordinated attacks killed at least 173 people and injured over 300. I hate when people kill each other. I really do.
4. The Chinese melamine scandal. Melamine, when added to food, increases the protein count, which allows manufacturers to water down milk without being detected. Hundreds of babies were hospitalized, and some died. Is the profit really worth it? It's sickening.
3. The passage of Prop 8, a California ballot proposition that changed the state constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman and eliminated the right of same-sex couples to marry. Although I am straight, I live in San Francisco and am aware of the horrible unfairness of this law. It PISSES ME OFF that this could have passed.
2. Our economic recession. Due to the loose monetary policies and low interest rate of the Federal Reserve, we are in a financial crisis. I'm pretty scared, and it doesn't help that I don't really understand how an economy works.
1. Barack Obama. The first African-American to be elected President of the United States, a fresh democrat for the Oval Office, a great public speaker, and a national icon. I was so proud when Obama won the election; I felt like America had a chance to recreate itself and move forward. Maybe the rest of the world will stop hating us.

Hottest Body of the Year:
Michael Phelps. Seriously. Just look at his abs.

Event That Most Makes Me Want To Move To Canada:
The fatal trampling of a Wal-Mart employee by crazed Black Friday shoppers. If that's not the most disgusting for of consumerism, I don't know what is.

My Favorite New Cookbook:
Vegan with a Vengeance, by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Vegan cooking with punk-rock feel.

Zoe in 2008:
10. I started junior year, with four AP classes and a whole lotta homework. But it's going pretty well.
9. I smoked my first cigarette and did not see the attraction.
8. I was in The Crucible, the school play.
7. I had my second boyfriend. I also got dumped for the first time.
6. I went to see Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at the Warfield, which is to date the best concert I have ever attended. I fell in love with Mr. Cave and am currently obsessed with his music.
5. I got a hookah for my birthday. My sweet sixteenth birthday.
4. I lost weight.
3. I befriended a squadron of birds in my back yard.
2. I started seeing a new therapist.
1. I went vegan! And I feel great.


HAPPY NEW YEAR.

2 comments:

thumbsUpsmile said...

Love it.

I'm glad to see that 9 out of 10 of your dumbest quotes were from the GOP. [good ol' pussies]

Happy new year!

thumbsUpsmile said...

Serious??

I sort of took you for the sort of person that loves scary flicks.

You're like my San Fran doppelganger.

Have you seen 28 Weeks Later? I'm trying to find it so I can watch :)