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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

It sounds pretty silly whenever I say it, but I would love to be a pirate. Historically, piracy was a predominantly male occupation, but there were a few noted females who kicked ass on the high seas. I have no doubt in my mind that if I were a pirate girl a few centuries ago, I would have been on of the most feared and notorious swashbucklers.

I have chosen to ignore the fact that the lifestyle of piracy was unglamorous, and have instead focused on the romanticized version. Who cares if pirates ate poorly, died young, and rarely became crazy wealthy? Imagine the pure freedom of sailing under your own flag, a kindred spirit united with the sea and no one else!

One of the most famous female pirates was Anne Bonny. I have deep admiration for her. In the Bahamas, she met and had an affair with the pirate John "Calico Jack" Rackham. In order to join his crew (according to pirate codes, women were not allowed on board) she disguised herself as a man. She took part in combat and was generally an all-around badass. According to legend, when one of her fellow pirates discovered her gender, she stabbed him in the heart. You go girl.

I rather fancy that I could be just as cool or cooler. Even though I'm not very brave and I don't believe in violence, I like to think that I would be great at pillaging, stealing, looting, tricking, stabbing, shooting, mast-climbing, cutlass-brandishing, sea shanty-singing, and various other "Arrrrrrghhh"-worthy things.

I know it sounds dumb. I really do. I just feel that this is the kind of experience I might have had in a previous life. The mere idea of piracy brings forth thoughts of daring and jubilant adventure. When I watch "Pirates of the Caribbean", I can't help but cheer during the battle scenes and wish that I could be there swashbuckling, instead of just watching a movie on my couch.

Yo ho, haul together
Hoist the colors high
Yo ho, thieves and beggars
Never shall we die...

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